alter ego

I am bothered by my incapacity to find anyone interesting. It’s been so long (that I can’t even remember) since someone - and by this, I mean a person whom I know in real life - has sparked my interest or tickled my weird-bordering-on-the-perverted imagination or ignited a mote of my lust and desire. The funny thing is it seems that there are quite a handful of people who are really interested in me and are keen on getting to know me better. I give myself the excuse that the problem lies with the people I mingle with, but later on, when I look out the window of the vehicle I’m in on my way home, I know that the problem lies within me. I’m not sure but maybe I’m again in this phase of my life when I feel that interactions with humans are trite and any concern that is not mine is not worthy of investing my thoughts and time in. Or maybe, this is really just me- the person who painstakingly maintains a 2 meter radius from anyone, the person whose earphones are always on because she does not want her air space to be invaded and the person who cringes away from potential lasting human interactions.

And I am bothered. Disturbed. And maybe, even concerned.

And now, something else bothers me more - I am all of these.